“Bringing Out the Christ in Others”
Ephesians 5:15-6:9

I. Qualification

The following sermon addresses a topic that causes theological debate, even sharp division, within the Body of Christ.  That topic is the issue of gender roles within relationships, especially in marriage and church leadership.  This sermon presents what is labeled the “egalitarian” viewpoint that embraces a mutual submission model based on an equality of dignity, ability, and authority of both the man and the woman.  

The opposing side is called the “male headship” model that embraces a hierarchy of women being in submission to men.  Both sides can be supported from Scripture and have the backing of prominent theologians and scholars through the centuries of Biblical interpretation.  

For an excellent presentation of the male headship model, see the book by John Piper, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.  For an excellent presentation of the egalitarian model, see the book by Larry Crabb, Men & Women: Enjoying the Difference, and the article: http://graceplace.org/media/DOCUMENTS/Women%20in%20Ministry.pdf  

Personally, while I do believe that the Bible strongly supports an egalitarian model instead of a male headship model, I also believe the Bible allows for both interpretations on this and a multitude of issues because they are not essentials to the faith.  The Bible is crystal clear on matters that are essential such as the Trinity, the authority and inspiration of Scripture, and salvation by grace through faith alone.  Therefore, we should never hold out non-essentials as qualifications for salvation nor barriers to fellowship between Christians.  

I am strongly convinced that the main point of this passage in Ephesians is not to dictate either an egalitarian or male headship model.  Rather, this is our triune God’s vision for how to foster Spirit-filled, mutually submissive, counter-cultural, redemptive, gospel-alluring, missional relationships!


II. Exposition
    a.    Passage in larger context

We have been studying together now for four months the Bible book called Ephesians.  By now, you should all be scholars on Ephesians!  This letter begins with the people of God, you and I, reigning with Christ is the heavenly places participating with the Trinity in God’s cosmic plan.  

Our missionary God’s plan involves reclaiming all creation back under God’s rule in the eternal kingdom of God.  Then, with each chapter, Paul brings this cosmic calling down to an earthly level of what this looks like in daily life.  Chapters two and three reveal how this cosmic plan of God is bringing reconciliation between all people groups through the global Church of Christ.  

Chapter four reveals how this cosmic plan is being accomplished through the people of God as they are equipped and spiritually gifted to do the work of ministry, and so overcome the darkness with God’s love and light.  Now in chapter five and six, these grand truths are brought down to the level of our every day relationships.  We discover that who we are as adopted, Spirit-filled, equipped, gifted partners with the Trinity in mission should make a difference, a super-natural, extra-ordinary difference in our relationships as spouse, friends, parents, children, and employer or employee.

    b.  Living out Spirit-filled, missional relationships

The most common use of our Bible passage this morning, is to begin with verse 5:22, “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord,” and then to use this and the following verses to develop a hierarchical model of male headship in the home, overseeing a dutiful, obedient, submissive wife and children.  The major problem with such an interpretation is that it violates two of the most important rules for Biblical interpretation.

First of all, a passage of Scripture must be interpreted in its historical context.  When this passage was written, it was common place in that culture to have written household codes that did in fact demand male dominance as wives and children were considered property with virtually no rights at all.  What God does through the apostle Paul in this passage is present a radical, revolutionary, counter-cultural household code founded on Christ that gave equal status and dignity to women, children, and slaves.  

The purpose of such relationships are to demonstrate to the world what life in the kingdom of God looks like, and to do so in such a way that allures unbelievers to Christ and kingdom.  So to use this passage to justify any kind of male dominating hierarchy in the home is to do violence to this passage and has caused all manner of oppression to women and children.  

Secondly, a passage of Scripture must be interpreted in its larger Biblical context.  The theological argument the apostle Paul is making here does not begin with verse 22 of the wives’ submission.  In fact, the word “submit” is not even in verse 22 in the original Greek!  

Paul is drawing on everything he has said so far about who we are as members of Christ’s Body, and who we are as partners in God’s missionary activity.  He has reminded us that we are no longer children of the darkness controlled by our sinful nature, but we are now children of the light controlled by the Holy Spirit.  

We are therefore commanded to imitate God and live a life of love.  In other words, what Paul is about to say regarding relationships is founded on our calling to live life as missional Christians with every area of our life driven by what will best glorify God by saving the lost, loving others, and fostering Christlikeness in one another.  

If we don’t understand the foundation truths of verses 18-21, we will misunderstand all the following verses on Christian relationships that are based on these verses.  Verse 18 commands us, “Be continually filled and refilled with the Holy Spirit!”  The way this sentence is written in the Greek makes it very clear that being filled with the Holy Spirit is something we need to ask for repeatedly.  

You see, when a person surrenders his or her life to Christ, they become baptized in the Holy Spirit immediately.  That is, the Holy Spirit takes us residence in every Christian’s heart.  But to live a life of agape love, overcoming faith, and purifying hope, to experience all the gifts and fruit of the Spirit, we need to be continually refilled with the Holy Spirit.  How does this happen?  We seek, we ask, we knock!  In worship, in prayer, in immersion in God’s Word, we ask the Father every day and throughout the day, O Lord, fill me afresh with the fullness of the Holy Spirit!”

It is based on this calling and command to live as Spirit-filled disciples of Christ that our passage then goes on to explain what Spirit-filled, Holy-Spirit-controlled, relationships look like.  It’s one thing to act like you are Spirit-filled when you are praying, worshipping, or reading the Bible.  
The real test of living a Spirit-filled life of agape love is how well we do so in the context of our closest relationships!  Now how many can say amen that our relationships provide us all kinds of opportunities to either bring out the best or the worst in us!

This is the context of our passage on submission.  Being filled and controlled by the Holy Spirit empowers us then to “submit to one another in reverence for Christ.”  This passage, like the entire Bible, is written to reveal how to live out every area of your life as a radical, missional, counter-cultural, disciple of Christ.  

God does not call you out of the darkness, make you His adopted son or daughter, fill you with the Holy Sprit, and equip you with every needed spiritual blessing, gift, and power so that you can then live out a life of pursuing the American Dream!  You have all eternity to enjoy your abundant inheritance in the eternal kingdom of God.  Right now, we are called and empowered to live in this world as pilgrims on a mission.  A mission to partner with God to save the lost and disciple the saints!

These verses on mutual submission reveal how to have relationships that draw out the Christ in one another, so that we can live lives of sacrificial love, purifying hope, and overcoming faith, so that unbelievers are drawn to Christ.  In other words, these are instructions on how to have Spirit-filled, missional relationships.

    c.  Bringing out the Christ in one another
So then, the next question that we must address is, how does mutual submission foster Holy-Spirit-controlled, missional relationships?  The answer is discovered in our passage in how it describes what should be happening in our relationships.  Now this passage focuses on the relationship of husband and wife, parent and child, slave and master, which for us translates in to employee and employer.  But Paul makes it very clear that what he is describing about relationships have a grander application to all relationships as what he is really talking about is the relationship between Christ and the Church.  
Let’s look at all the images in this passage of what should be happening in the context of our relationships, and then I give some practical examples of how this can be happening on your relationships.

Listen to how the version of the Bible called The Message translates Ephesians 5: 25-27:  “Christ's love makes the Church whole.  His words evoke her beauty.  Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness.  
From this, we can understand that one central purpose of our Christian relationships is that we are called to move into each other’s life in such a way to evoke each other’s beauty and strength, to polish the image of God in another, to bring out the best, the Christ in one another.

Another image Paul uses in that of Headship.  Now this is another one of those terms that I believe gets misused in models that insists on a male dominating rule in the home.  Now there are many Biblical scholars who agree with me and just as many who don’t.  Perhaps somehow the Bible allows for both interpretations!  Here is what the egalitarian side I am on believes.  

When Paul wants to address the authority of Christ, he uses the term Lordship.  But when he wants to address Christ’s role of sustaining, protecting, nourishing, and strengthening who we are as God’s people, he uses the term headship.  Headship is based the idea of source, not authority.  Christ is our source of protection, provision, and edification.  In the same way, headship in marriage, or any Christian leadership, emphasizes our Christlike role of sustaining and protecting those in our care and encouraging their personal and spiritual growth.

This purpose of mutual submission in our relationships of encouraging the spiritual growth in others is further emphasized by Paul’s use of the terms “nourishing” and “cherishing” in verse 5:29 and 6:4. In the NIV version we read earlier, verse 29 uses the words “feeds” and “cares.”  This is a weak translation.  

The word “care” is the Greek is a word meaning to “cherish with tender love.”  Elsewhere, Paul uses this same word to describe how he cared for those under his oversight as an apostle.  The word “feed” is a Greek word meaning to “nourish up to maturity.”  Paul uses this same word “nourish” in 6:4.  The NIV uses the word “bring” which again is a weak translation.  A better translation would say, “Fathers, nourish your children in the instruction and exhortation of the Lord.”  

So, when we put all these images together that define the power and purposes of our Christian relationships we get this picture.  Christian relationships have an eternal, missional purpose in addition to their temporary, earthy blessing.  That missional purpose is that our relationships provide a powerful context to foster Christlikeness in one another, and to demonstrate to those outside the faith an alluring taste of God’s plan and purposes for humanity.

This means that in your marriage, in your family, in your friendships, you should a vision that is so much higher than just mutual satisfaction and earthy success.  Your vision should match God’s purposes for these relationships of being a reflection of Christ’s love for His Church.  How many have a written out vision for their marriage, family, and friendships?  I encourage you to compose one.  
Now, let’s try to get as practical as we can about how we live out Spirit-filled, mutually submissive, missional relationships.  There is not just one thing we do in pursuing this, but this morning I want to present to you one very powerful way of doing so.  I borrow much of this, not all, but much from the work of my mentor Dr. Larry Crabb.  

Crabb talks about a model of:
 - having a vision for the other can be in Christ,
 - moving into the mess and mystery of that person’s heart,
 - pouring grace, and releasing the Christ in them.  
 - Enter…See…Touch  
Two books I highly recommend on this topic by Dr. Larry Crabb: Connecting and The Safest Place on Earth.

And that vision should be firmly grounded in these New Covenant realities, “Because I believe that there is something truer about you than your fleshly behavior, namely who you are as an adopted child of God, and that there is someone deeper in you who is stronger than your sin, namely Christ, I will always choose to look past your fleshly weakness, even your hurtful movement toward me, acknowledge its sinfulness, yet forgive, and move deeply into your heart to draw out the Christ in you by calling you to be who you truly are in Christ through the Holy Spirit.”

We all know the power of vision for another, of believing in someone and calling him or her to be all he or she was meant to be.  This is the theme of so many great movies, literature, and art.  This is the theme of the story God is writing with you and I!  

So, we hold this high vision for the other, and then we enter the mess and mystery of his or her heart to battle for their soul.  This is where mutual submission comes in.  To be submitted to another, is not to cower in dutiful obedience, but to do whatever it takes to draw out the best in another.  

Sometimes that submission will look like quiet humility as you give up your personal preferences for the sake another.  And other times submission will look like very strong movement on behalf of another as you fight for their soul and refuse to let them get away with being less than all they can be in Christ!  

For example, sometimes when I am living out of my fleshly, sinful old self, and treating Kelly or the family in hurtful ways, the most submissive thing Kelly can do is to call me to task, even if that involves very strong words or assertive actions that wouldn’t look anything like a fundamentalist model of submission!  

She does so because she has a New Covenant vision of who I can be as a mighty man of God, and she refuses to let me settle for anything less!  Personally, the kind of wife I desperately need, and even usually want, is not some quiet, obedient servant, but a strong woman of God who loves me enough to fight for my soul!

As we move with strong love and high vision into the mess and mystery of another’s heart, we also need to pour much grace.  Why?  Because no one can hurt us more deeply than those who we are called to love most strongly!  It is especially in those times when the one we love hurts us deeply that we need to look past the other’s sinful movement, and see the Christ in him or her.  

How do we do this?  By keeping filled with the Holy Spirit!  

For example, you come home from work, you’re exhausted, it wasn’t a good day, so you’re upset, you walk through the door, and your spouse says, “well where have you been, dinner’s cold, and did you bring home the milk like I asked?”  In the heat of that moment, or any moment of potential conflict, is the moment of decision.  Are you going to respond fire with fire, flesh with flesh, are you going to respond out of your sinful self or your Holy-Spirit controlled self?  

You do have a choice, which is really the first step to being empowered to respond in the Spirit.  You can never reduce relationships to guaranteed steps, but this is somewhat how the process can go:
  1. Recognize that you have a choice because Christ dwells in you by the Holy Spirit empowering a new creation self within
  2. Pray in your heart for God’s power, grace, and love to flow through you
  3. Call on the vision you have of the other of who he or she really is in Christ
  4. Remember your calling to submit to the other for the sake of drawing out the Christ in him or her
  5. Look past the other’s fleshly response and choose to forgive and to move it to call out of him or her something and someone truer and deeper
  6. See…Enter…Pour…Release

You see, all of us, because of our sinful nature still lurking within, run from our callings to be mighty men and women of God.  We run from our calling to live lives of faith, hope, and love.  We do so because it requires more of us than we think we have to give or simply do not want to give.  We run from love into self-protection.  We run from faith into cynicism.  We run from hope into immediate gratification.  We structure our lives so that the majority of our time is spent in activities we feel most competent in.

So everyone of needs to have people in our life who love us enough to fight for our souls, who believe in us when we no longer do, who refuse to let us settle to be anything less than all we can be in Christ.  

Is there someone in your life fighting to bring out the Christ in you?  Have you been open and grateful for this pursuit?  Whose soul are you fighting for…your spouse, children, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ?  Let the Word and Spirit of God come to you today to encourage and empower you to reclaim God’s high calling and missional purposes your relationships!