“The Prison of Unforgiveness”
Matt 18:21-35

I.    Introduction

In May of 1981, many of us will remember the image of Pope John Paul II sitting in a prison cell extending forgiveness to the man who had shoot and came very close to killing him.  In that same year, President Regan also was shot and very seriously wounded, and he too forgave and prayed for the man who attempted to kill him. 

We often read of accounts of parents forgiving the rapist or murderer of their child.  Such stories both inspire our faith but also raise a troubling question in our hearts, “Would I be able to extend such forgiveness? 

Let us pray…               
Scripture reading…


II.    Exposition

Peter thought he was being so spiritually mature when he asked Christ this question.  You see, under the teaching of the rabbis in that time, the standard was to forgive a person up to three times if necessary.  So Peter was showing off just how righteousness he was because he was willing to forgive up to seven times! 

The response of Christ would have shocked him and all who heard, “not seven times,” said Christ, “but 7x70,” which was not meant to be a number of times at all, but the use of seven’s meant there should be no limit to the number of times we forgive the same person.  Christ then goes on to tell a parable to teach about the power of forgiveness and the deadly consequences of harboring unforgiveness for citizens God’s kingdom,  you and I.  

The first important point to note is that this is a kingdom parable.  Christ begins saying, “The kingdom of heaven is like…”  You see, a radical shift happened at that moment you become a Spirit-filled, adopted child of God in that you are now living both under natural law and under super-natural kingdom law.  In this parable, Christ is revealing the kingdom laws of forgiveness by telling a rather shocking and sobering story.

A king wants to settle all his accounts of money owed to him.  He brings in a man who owed him about the equivalent of 12 million dollars!  The man could not possibly pay, so the king ordered that he, his wife, his children, and his property all be sold to repay the debt.  The condemned man pleads for mercy and swears that he does have the ability to pay back this debt if he were granted more time.  The king does not believe this, but still chooses to have mercy on the man, and he forgives him of the entire 12 million debt!

This now-forgiven man walks out the door, and runs into a man who owes him about the equivalent of $16 dollars!  The just-forgiven man grabs this one who owes him just $16 and begins to violently choke the man demanding that he pay him back the full amount immediately!  This man begged for mercy, but the just-forgiven man refuses to extend any forgiveness, and instead has the man thrown into prison.

The king hears of this and is outraged!  He calls back in the man who had been forgiven of the 12 million and admonishes him saying, “Should you not have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?”  Then in anger, the king turned this man over to the jailers to be tortured, not just imprisoned, but also tormented until he could pay back all he owed. 

Most of us when we first hear this story probably think to ourselves, “how could this man who had been forgiven 12 million turn around and be so cruel to a man who owed him 16 bucks?”  Many might also think, “This king guy seems both merciful but also quite harsh, first demanding a man’s family be sold to pay off a debt, and then handing a man over to be tortured and tormented.” 

But it is in the final line of this parable that Jesus introduces the biting, shocking, convicting twist in this parable when he declares in verse 35: "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart." 

All the sudden we realize that the king in the parable represents none other than our heavenly Father, and that the man who refuses to extend mercy for a small debt after having been forgiven of an astronomical debt represents none other than you and I! 

Like the forgiven man, we too stand before our God and Judge guilty of coming up short of the perfect obedience in loving God and loving our neighbor that God requires…

Like the forgiven man, we too try to minimize the horror of our sin by making unkeepable promises to God telling God, “O just give me more time, I’ll try harder, I’ll pay you back, I’ll be a better Christian” 

All the while we are missing the whole point that we can never pay God back the debt we owe, that the wages of our sin is death in eternal separation from God in tormenting darkness.  Most of us just don’t think that we are all that bad a person, so we deny the truth that every second of our life we are worthy of eternal hell!

And it is this very denial, this failure to acknowledge the wickedness of our own hearts that makes us like the man in the parable who goes out and chokes the man owing him far less whenever we refuse to forgive.  You see when we fail to embrace our true condition, that apart from grace, we are a sinner worthy of the same condemnation as the one who has offended us, no matter how wicked that offense might have been, we also fail to discover the power to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Like the forgiven man in the parable who was forgiven a debt he could have never have paid back, we too receive such mercy from our heavenly Father!  Every second of every day, the darkness in our fallen hearts make every one of us capable of committing the most heinous of sin!  Even though most of us don’t ever act on that possibility in extreme ways, it is the very reality that such darkness exists in us that makes us worthy of hell! 

No one goes to hell because of any act of sin.  Every human is born condemned to hell because every human is born with a sinful nature that is hostile to God.  The only reason some humans don’t go to hell, is because God chooses to extend mercy to forgive, and grace to make that person a new creation in Christ. 

The sinful nature of a Hitler is the same sinful nature in you and me.  The sinful nature that causes the offender to abuse a child is the same sinful nature in the abused child that then drives the victim to live a life of self-protection instead of vulnerable agape.  Is the sin of rape worse than the sin of living with a protected heart?  Yes, but only in degree of earthy consequence not in the ultimate eternal consequence. 

And so every second of our life, the grace that is made possible through the person of Christ is extended to Christians, and so instead of receiving what we all deserve, namely hell, the Father forgives us, and we receive what none of us ever deserve, eternal life!

How can any of us who receive such grace, who are forgiven daily, not of a 12 million-dollar debt, but an eternal debt, turn around and choke another and throw him or her in prison until they make amends for the $16-wound they’ve inflicted on us? 

Now some of you are saying, my wound is far worse than a $16-wound!  And this might be true when compared with the pain of others.  But when our suffering, no matter how severe, is compared to the pain that each of us afflict on Christ…remember it was and is your sin that put Christ through the torture of the cross, then no matter how deep your hurt, it is $16-hurt compared to what your sin does to God daily!

But you still say, “easier said than done pastor, you don’t know my pain!  You don’t realize how deeply I’ve been hurt.  I can’t just forgive this person!”  And you are right, I don’t’ know your pain, and yes, forgiveness of deep hurt is never easy!  It sometimes takes years to process. 


III.    Application

And so, in order to be able to forgive, we must have a full and truly Biblical understanding of why we forgive and how.  So let’s examine these truths. 

First of all, why do we forgive:
1. We forgive because we are forgiven.  This point we’ve just discussed at length.
2. We forgive because Christ commands us to forgive. 
So long as we are honestly in a posture of allowing God to give us the grace to forgive, we are not sinning.  But when we hardened our hearts and say I am never going to forgive or allow God to empower me to forgive, then we are living in willful rebellion against God.
3. We forgive because unforgiveness causes God to hand us over to the tormentors.  
When we refuse to offer forgiveness to those who have hurt us, kingdom law kicks in, and instead of the one who owes us being in prison, we are the ones who God turns over to the tormentors!  Unforgiveness places us in torment not the one who committed the offense in the first place!  This is one of the main reasons we forgive, because it frees us from the tormentors!

And just who are these tormentors that God Himself turns us over to?  They represent physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, and demonic forces, that keep us in a state of bitterness, anger, strained relationship, or even physical aliments like arthritis, headaches, fiber mialga, can often, not always, be a result of unforgiveness.  One of the laws of the kingdom, is that when we choose not to forgive another, God allows these forces access to our life, not as punishment, but to drive us to the place where we will forgive.  It’s a redemptive disciplining.

4. We forgive because it takes away the offender’s power to continue to hurt us.
Forgiveness in a way a very self-serving act.  We forgive to end our own pain.  When we choose not to forgive, we allow the offender to continue to have control over our soul.  Unforgiveness tears us up, robs us of our joy and freedom in Christ, impedes our worship, strains our relationships.  All the while, the offender could care less!  He or she isn’t the least bit bothered by your unforgiveness toward them!  

Now ask yourself, why should the offender be granted that kind of power in your life!  It’s bad enough that person offended you in the first place, why should they continue to be granted the power to keep hurting you?

It’s like unforgiveness allows that offender to have a hook into your soul and any time that person wants to, he can tug on that line and toy with your emotions.  Unforgiveness takes the offender’s hook out of your soul!

5. We forgive because it releases the offender fully to God’s justice
This is hard to explain but when we choose to reserve the right of revenge to ourselves, God steps back and says, “Ok, so long as you reserve the right to execute justice, I will not.” 

Here’s the problem with that situation.  First of all, we are commanded in Scripture not to seek revenge, but instead to leave vengeance to God.  Why?  Because only God can execute justice fairly and with grace and mercy. 

Secondly, when we choose to withhold forgiveness, this keeps the offender from receiving the justice that he or she deserves right now!  Forgiveness releases the offender fully to God so God can bring His justice upon that person in whatever form God chooses.  

Because our God is so merciful, more often than not God’s justice comes to the offender the same way it comes to us; by placing the due punishment upon Christ and giving grace and forgiveness instead.  Now we know this, and this is why we often choose not to forgive.  We don’t want the person to receive grace!  It’s like Jonah’s refusal to preach the gospel to the Ninivites.  He knew God would have mercy, and he just didn’t think they deserved it!  This is why being able to forgive so often requires asking God first for the desire to forgive. 

When we forgive and release the offender to Christ, then and only then is Christ free to pour His grace into that person’s life so he or she can be set free from the sin and pain that caused them to offend another in the first place.  You see we are told in Scripture that we hold the keys of the kingdom.  And one of those keys is forgiveness.  Christ told the apostles that when they choose not to forgive another’s sin than that person’s sin would not be forgiven.  We must not underestimate how much authority God has delegated to His Church. 

In 1996, Cindy Griffiths' life changed forever.  Her mother and daughter were killed in an automobile accident.  Verma Harvey, the driver, had a blood alcohol level nearly twice the legal limit.  But even in her terrible grief, Cindy reached out to the woman who broke her heart, and wrote Verma a letter and told her that she did not hate her.

Three months later, Verma found the courage to write back and apologize.  Cindy and Verma nervously decided to meet, and found a powerful connection.  Verma has since turned away from drinking, and the two women still talk to each other twice a month.  Cindy says the pain of losing her loved ones is just as deep as always, but the bond she shares with Verma is stronger than ever.

You see forgiveness releases the offender to God’s justice and grace.

Now let’s examine what forgiveness is not:
1. Forgiveness is not forgetting or acting as if the offense never happened
2. Forgiveness is not minimizing the pain
3. Forgiveness is not justifying the sin of the offense
4. Forgiveness is not staying in a place where you remain open to ongoing abuse

So what is forgiveness?
1. Forgiveness is both an act of the grace-empowered will, and a supernatural act of God
2. Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequence of another’s sin
3. Forgiveness is both an event and a process
4. Forgiveness is choosing not to hold someone’s sin against him or her any longer

How do we forgive:
1. We go to our Lord in prayer and ask for the desire to forgive in the first place
2. In prayer, we ask our Lord to show us once again just how much grace we have received
3. In that place of gratitude for grace, we ask our Lord for the grace to forgive the offender
4. We invite the Holy Spirit to bring into our mind and emotions the full weight of the offense so that we can then place all that pain, sorrow, and anger onto Christ on the cross
5. Then, by an act of our Holy-Spirit empowered will, begin the forgive the offender in prayer.  Depending on the depth of the offense, this may take many times over a long period to fully forgive.
6. Then, when empowered by God’s grace to do so, we go to the offender in person, and extend forgiveness
7. We know we have fully forgiven, when we can go to the memory of the offense, or look upon the offender, and not feel anger.  We may still feel sorrow, but we will not feel any bitterness or rage once full forgiveness has occurred. 


So who do you need to forgive?  Here are two prayers.  Perhaps you are in a place where you are just not willing or able to extend forgiveness.  Then pray the prayer asking for our Lord to begin to change your heart until God brings you to a place where you will be willing and able. 

Perhaps Christ has already brought you to the place where you are willing and able to at least engage in the act of the will of extending forgiveness, which will begin the process of eventually being able to offer full forgiveness.  Then pray the prayer offering such forgiveness. 

Prayers of Forgiveness:

"Lord Jesus, I confess that I don’t even want to forgive.  I don’t believe I will ever be able to forgive.  Please let your Holy Spirit begin to work in my heart to do whatever it takes to bring me to a place where I even want to forgive, and then to a place where by your grace I will be able to forgive.   Thank you.  Amen."


"Lord Jesus, thank you for forgiving me every day of sins worthy of eternal judgment.  I bring to Christ on the cross all my anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, and pain.  I now receive from Christ the grace to forgive.   I choose not to hold resentment and I relinquish my right to seek revenge.  I ask you to heal my damaged emotions and relationships.  Please empower me to fully forgive, fully heal, and to forgive in person if possible.  Amen."